I managed to find these tips on Making Your Marriage Extra-marital Affair Proof.
Why not work on resolving your marriage issues before a crisis develops?
Yes, there are ways the both of you can cement that marriage so that an affair doesn’t have to be a solution to the problem.
Did you know that you can use the psychology of persuasion to change your spouse’s behavior to improve your marriage? It’s exciting and kind of scary all at the same time. Successful sales people and even predatory men and women looking to steal your spouse understand these principles and use them to their advantage.
They are simple principles, but don’t underestimate their power.
Lets take a look at these so that you can use them to protect your marriage from harm.
Here’s a quick disclaimer. These strategies are not discussed so that you can manipulate your spouse, rather I decided to share these so that you could understand the power they hold over influencing our behavior. They can be used for good. In fact, they can have a huge impact on empowering you to rebuild:
A sincere and lasting friendship
A desire to play and have fun together
A romantic and intimate connection
This research comes from Robert Cialdina, PhD. I’m not going to bombard you with clinical research, rather just what you need to know and a tool that you can utilize today to utilize these in a genuine way.
Principle #1: Similarity
We are attracted to people who are affectionate, attentive and have similar thoughts and interests. In fact, we prefer people who are similar to us. This holds true whether the similarity is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background or lifestyle.
An interesting fact outlined by research from author Susan Kelly in her book Why Men Stray, Why Men Stay is that…
“The kind of women men stray with may come as a big shock. They are not typically the trampy, hated, stereotypical “other woman.” It could be a very close friend or someone you least suspect – a woman he is comfortable with and who pays attention to him.”
Someone desiring to gain compliance from you can accomplish that purpose simply by appearing similar to us in any of a wide variety of ways.
Many sales programs call this technique “mirror and match” and teach the sales representative to mimic the customer’s body posture, mood and verbal style.
Principle #2: Compliments
An experiment done on men in North Carolina showed how helpless we can be in the face of praise (even from someone who obviously needed a favor). Some of the men in the study received positive comments, some negative and others a mix.
Here’s what was interesting.
The evaluator who only offered praise was liked the best. That may sound predictable, but here’s what they discovered to be fascinating.
This was the case even though the men knew the flatterer had something to gain. And the best part of the finding was that the praise didn’t have to be true to get the desired result.
This proves that we have an internal switch inside of us that automatically reacts positively to compliments, even if they are not true. The danger of this, as Dr. Cialdini pointed out, is that we can fall victim to someone who uses compliments in an attempt to win our favor.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I started reading the same book. We’ve never done this before, but I grabbed a copy because he kept raving about it and after a few days we found that we started talking about the book. The talks we’re effortless because it was a similar interest.
It’s sad, but many of us miss the opportunity to connect with our partners because we don’t create a “connection environment.” We lose sight of the small things and don’t identify what we have in common or how we appreciate each other.
We may have similar thoughts and interests… even goals, but we don’t use the right “type of talking” to uncover that connection.
With all the vast resources in this modern world, we receive almost no instruction on how to operate in an intimate relationship but as you know, there is a lot at stake to keep our marriage fresh.
A good conversation builds trust, honesty and respect. And the best part is that a good conversation isn’t always about something deep. Talking is talking. And a good conversation can build awareness for things we have in common.
For more help with saving your marriage or healing after an affair has taken it down to it’s knees…Read the following source.