Honesty And Post Affair Recovery Help

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Let’s get down to the basics of restoring your marriage after an adulterous affair.

And the most common question affair victims want an answer for is: “How do I know my wife/husband is telling the truth?

That’s a reasonable question. Unfortunately, the answer is a gray area.

Rebuilding Trust

Trust And Honesty Are The Keys To Marriage Restoration


Think about people who work for the FBI or even just general law enforcement. They can’t always know when someone is lying. Think about double agents that have been caught: they sold their country’s secrets to the “other side,” and did any of their trained co-workers know immediately that dishonesty was taking place?

When someone lies, it’s not as if bells and whistles sound to alert the recipient of those lies that there’s some dishonesty going on. If that were the case, well… it would be a different world.

A person, especially one already emotionally suffering through the aftermath of an affair, could drive themselves crazy wondering how they can know for sure if their spouse is lying. The cheater has delivered a stunning blow to their spouse, making them doubt their abilities to know truth from untruth. It’s devastating, and not something that the affair victim can easily get over.

But being a trained professional at lie detection wouldn’t even guarantee that you’d have known the affair was taking place, much less allowed you to prevent it from occurring. Remember that the decision to be deceitful was made 100% by your spouse.

And that’s where the question you really need to examine exists: with your spouse.

Lies vs. Honesty: Repercussions of Cheating

Many affair victims want to know if they can detect lies, but just as many want to know if they can detect honesty.

The question that you may want to focus on is this:

How will I know it’s time to trust again?

I want to emphasize that the question revolves around how you, personally, will know it’s time for you to trust again. I can’t answer that question for you. Your cheating spouse cannot answer that question for you. Your minister, pastor, priest, psychiatrist, cannot answer that question for you.

Truth And Honesty

Rebuilding Trust In Your Marriage Will Take The Both Of You.

After an affair, you lose trust in your spouse. It’s one of the repercussions of cheating: the cheater has lost trust.

So now, the cheater must earn back trust.

It isn’t handed to them on a certain calendar date, or upon full confession, or a myriad of other specific determinations. Trust is something that is developed over time, but can be lost in an instant. This is why affairs are really stupid decisions, if you think about it, because whatever the cheater thinks they’ll get in short-term gain, they’re really sacrificing a lot.

We who have violated another persons trust need to realize that it was a very serious matter. It will be a while before that other person trusts you unconditionally again.

So work on it day by day building that trust back up again.  And be darn glad the person you cheated on allows you any time at all to work things out.






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