If you’ve been having post-affair flashbacks, constant images that your brain brings up regarding the affair, then you know that getting over infidelity can be a harrowing ordeal.
In this blog, I will help you move past the nightmare of affair flashbacks and learn the 3 essential steps for getting over infidelity. Read on…
The Pain of Affair Flashbacks
You’re going along, thinking you are moving on and getting over infidelity’s cruel aftermath of negative thoughts, images, painful emotions and doubts.
Then, all of a sudden—you’re hit with an affair flashback.
You despair of ever truly getting over infidelity and moving forward with your life.
Many affair victims recount their experience of living with this cycle of perpetual mental and emotional torture. They often find themselves suffering from affair flashbacks that include:
- Specific times when their spouse gave an explanation for why they were late—and the victim later finds out they believed in a complete lie.
- How often their spouse was checking their cell phone for messages, etc.—which must have been from the paramour.
- Their spouse’s hostility and evasiveness when asked for details about their day or time outside of the home.
- Finding evidence, such as a cell phone bill, that showed their spouse was heavily attentive to someone outside of the marriage.
These flashbacks continue the cycle of suffering long after the cheating spouse and paramour have ended their dalliance. And that is exactly what you may find yourself trapped in: a cycle that will continue to repeat itself—flashbacks when you least expect them—until you escape this negative spiral of suffering.
The only way to escape is to take action to end the cycle. You may still occasionally have a flashback, but if and when you do, you will be prepared, if you follow the three steps I give you for ending those emotionally-draining flashbacks.
The Brains Part In Creating Those Images
But first, understand that the control center for managing these flashbacks is in your brain. Your thoughts can greatly influence how you feel. For example, if you experienced the death of a loved on at any time, you can recall those feelings of pain and loss simply by thinking about the death: “I lost my grandfather, and it was a very sad time in my life and I didn’t know if I’d recover.” Your emotional reaction will match this thought: you will feel down. It is not likely you will think of a painful event and smile in response.
Once you understand the role that your brain plays in how you feel, you can better understand how to outmaneuver your own thoughts. Now, for the 3 steps that can help you end the affair flashbacks as you work on getting over infidelity:
Step 1: Understand what is real, and what is fiction
When images come to mind about your spouse and his or her actions with the paramour, the images are ones your brain creates and tapes together. Unless you actually viewed your spouse and his or her paramour together, you have no way of knowing how they were in each other’s company. Your brain has a habit of not working around a bunch of potholes: what it does not know for sure, it fills in those empty spaces with material—even if it has to make up the details.
Step 2: Create a new script
Your thoughts can’t control you unless you allow it to go on. And those thoughts, if you remember, can sway your emotions to respond accordingly. You can take those thoughts and change the script and visual to go along with them.
Step 3: Create a new visual
Along with the thoughts that come to mind, your brain also supplies visual imagery to go along with it. If you change your script, such as in the example in step 2, and say to yourself, “I am ending this thought now,” then you can also change the visual to go along with it.
My best to you as you work on getting over the affair and saving your marriage.